Iron Chef, Doggie Style

The title of this week’s entry comes from Jonathan. Not because it made me laugh, which it did, but because he was kind and good humored enough to post a very nice comment last week. I should probably be all nonchalant about it, but I’m actually pretty thrilled by his comment. So, this is for you, Jonathan. (By the way, Jonathan even got a clip on The Soup this week).

This episode begins with most of the groomers being very happy that Malissa is gone. Jessica starts crying because Malissa is “all I had here.” I can’t blame her for crying. It’s pretty clear that they’re all ready to see her follow Malissa out the door. And, well, I’m kind of ready for Jessica’s exit myself. There’s a pretty funny scene of Jessica confiding in Will and being touched at how kind he was to listen to her, followed by Will telling the cameras how much he wants Jessica to go.

The groomers seem exhausted by the show. When the doggie mail arrives, as it does every week, with Nemo dressed up in one of his little doggie outfits, they seem less than thrilled. When they learn that their challenge is to make a treat for a dog, they become even less enthusiastic. Several brag about how they don’t know how to cook (pet peeve of mine—I hate it when people brag that they are incapable of meeting a basic human need).

The groomers are taken to a gourmet dog treat bakery and shown to a table laden with things that dogs like: carob, apples, and many other things. Kathleen’s leg up from winning last week is that she is the only one who can use peanuts.

Noting Kathleen’s good fortune, Jonathan tells all of us that he “goes crazy for nuts.” He adds that this is like “Iron Chef, doggie style.” Suddenly, I’m picturing Emeril and Paula Deen and…oh, make it stop.

The owner of the dog treat shop chooses Jessica the winner for her treat, which he declares to be the only committed treat. This is because she based her cookie on one ingredient instead of a lot of things that dogs like, all mixed together. I guess my cockapoos are indiscriminate eaters because they don’t care if their food is committed or not.

Today’s challenge is to groom a Chow Chow. Kathleen hasn’t groomed one in 15-20 years because she has been attacked by them. Jorge has the same story. Jonathan says that he doesn’t groom them, either. Apparently, Chows become very attached to their owners, and that’s it. But Jasper grooms them a lot, and Artist tells how he can’t afford to be picky about the dog that he grooms. In his job, he needs to groom ten dogs a day to pay his bills.

Most of the dogs turn out to be pretty sweet. Kathleen’s isn’t, but most of the groomers think she made a mistake showing her fear and muzzling her dog. For the first time, I become aware of how dangerous dog grooming can be. After a dog bite, I wouldn’t want to go back again.

Much is made of Artist doing a good job grooming his Chow. The judges are thrilled because they talked to him about his lack of confidence last week. They seem to be taking credit for Artist’s amazing turn-around.

While the groomers wait for the judges to make their decision, the groomers who are usually confident (Jorge, Jonathan, Kathleen) are unusually quiet. They realize that they could go on the chopping block. But they may be safe because Will went crazy with his scissoring, and then tries to cover it by saying that there is no AKC standard for grooming Chows. One of the judges, Xavier, points out that this is not true. Whoops.

Jasper and Artist are the two best groomers this week. Artist wins best in show, maybe because he was the best, or maybe because the judges seem to think that he is their Pygmalion.

Kathleen and Will don’t make the standard this week, for showing fear in one case and for overcutting in the other. Will has to leave the doghouse. Kathleen is told that the “groomer of the year” can’t say, “but I don’t do Chows.” I’m kind of thinking that the groomer of the year can say pretty much anything she wants to say.