Oscar Semi-Live Blog

PJ suggested I do an Oscar Live-blog, so I'm giving it a try. I have my velour sweat pants on, so I'm ready for the ceremony. They're black. I'm wearing QVC tonight.

I just heard Regis talk to a man he called Xavier Bardem.

My nominee for line of the night so far: Jon Stewart about Norbit's nomination: "Too often the Academy ignores movies that aren't good."

My first dress: Jennifer Garner looks beautiful in her tight black sleeveless gown. Quite a necklace, too.

So, Anne Hathaway and Katherine Heigl have just shown up, one after the other, with a red dress with a sleeveless right shoulder and some strange fabric thing on their left shoulders. They look lovely in them, but it seems a strange coincidence. A sweep of the audience reveals many red dresses, too. I guess I should have worn my red velour sweat pants.

Amy Adams is singing Happy Working Song from Enchanted, which, outside of the context of the movie, seems like a really dumb song. I keep hoping the rats and cockroaches are going to show up and help, but no luck.

I was going to go all Joan Rivers on Cate Blanchett's gown, but then I noticed that she is very pregnant, so I guess she is allowed to look like she's going to the beach.

I'm happy about Javier Bardem, who seems far less scary than his character. I guess that's why he just won an award for acting.

Keri Russell looks lovely from the waist down and from the neck up. In between, there's some weird shelf action going on with her dress and her breasts.

I'm counting the third red dress on stage now. It's on the woman who won for animated shorts.

Tilda Swinton has decided to do red hair and a black dress instead of vice-versa. The dress, well, is guaranteed to get her lots of press tomorrow. I'm sorry that the designer was unable to finish it.

Miley Cyrus was wearing...red, and Jennifer Garner's hairstyle.

Tally at 90 minutes in: 3 black dresses, 5 red (if you count Jessica Alba's dark red one)

Okay, my pick for best song is on..Falling Slowly

Rene Zellweger did not wear red, but did wear lots of botox.

Nicole Kidman's dress is nice (and not red), but I'm not sure why she wore Christmas Tree tinsel with it.

Wow. Big production numbers for Enchanted tonight. It's almost as if Disney and ABC have some kind of a partnership.

Love Cameron Diaz's dress, but not a fan of the hair. Everyone seems to be doing this thing with a single curled bang in their face, which I do every day, but not on purpose. But really, the dress is great.

They just had soldiers in Iraq announce the documentary winners. Nice touch. Eat that, Fox News.

Helen Mirren looks gorgeous as always. Daniel Day-Lewis was downright sweet.

So, if they're supposed to end this after 3 hours, why do they still run ads after 8:30? Shouldn't they just give out the last two awards commercial free? This could make me turn cynical.

Woo hoo. I saw the winning movie!

So, in conclusion, mostly nice dresses, but some strange hair. Too much red. All four acting awards went to foreigners. We need to build a fence around Hollywood. The Republicans need to get right on that.