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The other day, I got home from a long day at work, checked my phone messages, and heard the following: “Hi Vicki. I was wondering if you happened to be watching One Life to Live on the day that Dorian and David had oral s_x?”* Who was asking that strange and shocking question? Why, my very own mother. I called her back to tell her that I had never expected to get that message left on my phone and that I had indeed seen the scene she was talking about. There was nothing pornographic about it. It was played for laughs, though it was clear what was going on.

I had not planned to post about television so soon. I was afraid I might give any new readers the right idea about my television viewing habits.

I need to go on a reality show diet. I normally keep up with about two reality shows at a time. This steady diet is not necessarily good for me, but it gives me something to look forward to, and usually something that I can do other things to. Right now, I’m watching American Idol (which I love, even though I know I shouldn’t), and Top Chef. However, next week Survivor and The Amazing Race are both starting up. Gluttony! You’d think I’d have other things to worry about, and I do, but I am actually spending time thinking about the pros and cons of dropping Survivor. I don’t even want to hear if Project Runway is starting soon.

I watch a lot of television, but I can only do so because TiVo allows me to rush through commercials and redundancies. This is especially true for soap operas like One Life to Live. But if I’m rushing through the commercials on One Life to Live, then they don’t have a chance to make me want to buy anything. I suppose what happened last week was inevitable. One day, David (apparently finished with his dirty business with Dorian), dropped by Viki’s house to ask her advice about whether or not he should marry Dorian. When Viki asked David if he wanted coffee, he turned it down because he has become a Buddhist and he doesn’t ingest caffeine. So Viki opened the refrigerator and there were three bottles of V8. She offered him a glass, making sure to mention the brand name and say something nice about it. The whole scene was bizarre, and I did wonder if it was being done for laughs.

A day or two later, though, we’re in the same kitchen again, with Viki’s daughter, Jessica and her cousin Starr. They’re shooting the breeze about the usual things. Starr, still grieving over the death of her baby, was telling Jessica about her father’s kidnapping trial, and the story was making Jessica have flashbacks in which she was starting to remember that she had actually switched her own dead baby for Starr’s living one. In the midst of this, Starr wished for some chicken noodle soup, joking that no one could just magically whip some up. Jessica opened the cupboard door and showed a shelf full of cans of Healthy Request Soup, and just whipped some up. The last time we saw Jessica cooking in that kitchen, she was making something from scratch. She was adding an insecticide to it to kill her sister, however.

Clearly, we’re watching a new way of advertising, much like the American Idol Coca-Cola product placements. It’s smart, but I hope they get better at it. The V8 and the soup scenes were jarring (so to speak). One doesn’t picture the very wealthy characters on One Life to Live serving cans of soup or discussing brands. If they do get better at it, they have a potential gold mine. Since soap operas bring you all aspects of characters’ lives, almost every character has a kitchen. We see them eating and drinking quite often, so showing labels or even naming brands may start to seem normal. And when I see such a scene coming on, I can zip right through it with my TiVo.

*My mother actually said the words. I didn’t write them because I don’t want to deal with all the searches that might find their way to me. Didn’t want to disappoint anyone.