Academy Awards Semi-Live Blog

5:00: I’m already noticing that this is the year of the glamorous updo for hair.
5:05: We see Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker. Sarah Jessica Parker is wearing a dress that I’m afraid she is too old for. It is too prommy. She looks like Glinda the good witch.
5:06: Miley Cyrus needs some lessons in how to walk like a lady. And she didn’t get the message about the elegant updo, either.
5:25: Marissa Tomei may have the gown of the night, which is saying a lot because there are some stunning gowns. Metallic colors seem to be in: silvers, golds, even bronzes.
5:30: Show starts right on time!
5:35: Hugh Jackman looks great. He’s doing a pretty funny low budget version of all the films. And Anne Hathaway can sing. The audience even gave Jackman a standing ovation. Perhaps they didn’t know that he could sing.
5:45: I’m enjoying the interesting way they’re doing supporting actress. 5 past supporting actress award winners each give a speech about one of the nominated actresses. Penelope Cruz , looking lovely in her 60 year old vintage gown, wins.
5:47: PJ calls and says, “Was it a cruel joke to have Goldie Hawn do the presentation for Benjamin Button?” First commercial break and we have the line of the evening.
5:55: Tina Fey and Steve Martin present original and adapted script awards: Milk and Slumdog.
6:00: Jennifer Anniston is presenting. Is Oscar classy enough to not show Brad and Angelina? Unfortunately, Oscar is.
6:05: Wall-E wins for best animated feature. This is about the only 2008 movie I’ve seen, so I’m happy.
6:07: Oh, they just showed Brad and Angelina. But how clever. They were enjoying a quip by Jack Black, the co-presenter.
6:10: They just gave an award for animated short, but really, do you care who won? Didn’t think so.
6:10-6:30: Some technical awards given out. I make some soup and eat it. My mother calls. Milk, The Duchess, and Benjamin Button give them. So far, no clear winners popping up.
6:30: Ben Stiller and Natalie Portman are giving the cinematography awards. Ben Stiller is dressed as Joaquin Phoenix. He’s pretty funny, but not as funny as Sean Penn was doing the same thing at yesterday’s Independent Spirit Awards.
And the Oscar goes to: Slumdog.
6:45: A homage to marijuana use.
6:55: Hugh Jackman declares that the musical is back, which begins a huge musical number complete with kickline and Beyonce.
7:00: and for the last half hour we have been paying the price of having so few interruptions earlier in the show. I’m getting a lot done.
7:03: An hour after the last major award (writing) was given, we now get to supporting actor. Of course, this just brings us closer and closer to Jerry Lewis’s big moment, and I’m really in no hurry for that. Nope, no hurry at all.
7:10: Heath Ledger wins, of course, joining Peter Finch as the only posthumous winners of acting Oscars. And I understand that if you had bet $40 on that win in Vegas, you’d now be collecting $1.
7:15: In honor of Marin and my so-called obsession with teeth, I won’t mention what I’m watching right now. Man on a Wire wins the Documentary Award. I really want to see that one. It’s about the guy who tightrope walked the Twin Towers. But one of the nominees! I can't stop thinking about it.
7:27: Benjamin Button wins the Visual Effects award.
7:30: Sound Oscars to The Dark Knight and Slumdog. The Button/Slumdog split continues. Another Oscar to Slumdog. It’s pulling ahead.
7:45: Jerry Lewis time. Umm….I think I need to go check on something important.
7:46: Standing O for Jerry Lewis. Easy, easy crowd.
7:47: Lovely acceptance speech. Short and classy. Okay, now I want to give him a standing ovation for that. But then I remember any one of his unfunny movies and I get over it.
7:55: Score Oscar. Zac Efron again? This is the third time I’ve seen him tonight. It’s as if Disney owns ABC. Oh, Slumdog wins again. I sure hope I like that movie when I finally see it.
7:57: Now they’re doing the song nominees now. I am officially not paying attention to this category tonight because Bruce Springsteen was snubbed. However, there's a dance piece from Slumdog that looks a lot like an assembly at my middle school.
8:10: Dead people montage. I’m guessing academy award winner Heath Ledger gets the biggest applause. By the way, Queen Latifah is singing the beautiful “I’ll Be Seeing You.” She looks good in a lovely blue dress, too.
8:15: I take it back. Paul Newman got the biggest applause.
8:20: Reese Witherspoon looks good. The dress, a blue sparly one, is kind of so-so. What? They’re giving Director before Actor and Actress? I don’t think they usually do it that way. Slumdog Millionaire. Will the streak continue to Best Picture?
8:27: Actresses! Three of the former winners did a great job talking about the nominated actresses they were match with. Sophia Loren messed up a bit. We can blame language and age for that one. Nicole Kidman, though? How hard can it be to make a paragraph about an actress sound real? Especially when you yourself are a good actress? Anyway, the lovely and talented Kate Winslet won and I’m happy. She gave a nice acceptance speech.
8:37: Actors! Let’s see who messes up from this group. Michael Douglas—nice job on Frank Langella. Robert DeNiro—fair job on Sean Penn. He is funny, but it’s clear he’s reading a prompter. Adrian Brody—reading from a prompter. I hope he’s not going to kiss Richard Jenkins if he wins. Anthony Hopkins takes on Brad Pitt. Not such a good job. Brad Pitt’s pretty cute waiting to hear. Sir Ben Kingsley takes on Mickey Rourke. I can’t tell you if it was any good because I’m sitting here praying that is Rourke wins, he won’t mention his damn dead dog again.
Sean Penn won! Sweet shot of his wife crying. He’s pretty charming.
8:52: Stephen Spielberg hands the Best Picture award to Slumdog Millionaire. No surprise at this point. History, I suspect, will show that America, surfing on a wave of good feeling from their historic Presidential election, chose a feel-good movie that wasn’t in fact, the best film. But since I’ve seen none of them, I can’t really talk.
8:55: Hugh Jackman, who was a charming host, signs off, and 5 minutes early! Oh, wait, no. Twenty-five minutes late.