I Should be Correcting Quizzes

My friend PJ (Blogger of Reverberate Hills) sent me a meme, thus teaching me a new fascinating term, along with giving me something to do instead of what I should be doing. A meme is any piece of information that passes through social networks, and is likened to a gene or a virus. I'm all over this, because memes have parallels in microbiology.

For example, many viruses are passed by vectors, such as a mosquito, which can pass viruses and other human pathogens from human to human without becoming infected itself. The internet is an amazing meme vector, which can allow memes to pass around the world in hours. Another interesting thing about viruses is how many of them can mutate quite easily. People wonder why you generally don't catch chicken pox twice, while you can catch the cold over and over. This is because the cold mutates so quickly that, by the time it makes it around the world once, it is mutated enough to infect you again the next year without your antibodies recognizing it. The interesting thing about the internet is that, due to cut and paste, forward and "include message in reply," memes do not mutate anywhere near as quickly as they do when passed verbally.

So, here is the meme in the original form:

1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged you.

Here's mine, from Earth Science by Tarbuck and Lutgens.

The end moraine marking the farthest advance of the glacier is called the terminal moraine, and those moraines formed as the ice front periodically became stationary during retreat are termed recessional moraines. As the glacier recedes, a layer of till is laid down, forming a gently undulating surface of ground moraine. Ground moraine has a leveling effect, filiing in low spots and clogging old stream channels, often leading to a disruption of drainage.

I am very disappointed in mine, especially after reading PJ's beautiful passages, so like a mad scientist, I'm going to mutate the meme:

Pick up a book that you and many other people have enjoyed:
2. Open to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Invite readers to guess the book (or at least the author).

So, readers, I invite you to guess the book:

Sabina could not understand why the dead would want to have imitation palaces built over them. The cemetery was vanity transmogrified into stone. Instead of growing more sensible in death, the inhabitants of the cemetery were sillier than they had been in life.

So a Fool Returns to Her Folly

I didn't plan to write about Groomer Has It again, but I enjoyed writing about the first episode so much, and I enjoyed how much people enjoyed it that I decided to continue. Episode 2 was not fun enough for me to write a lot about, but non-viewers need to know these two things: Will had a difficult time combing matting out of his dog's vulva. I know this because he repeated it several times and also because the dog cried in pain while he did this. I also know this because the other thing of note is that Malissa, one of the young blondes, used her seventh sense for the third time in two episodes, and this time it told her that the screaming dog was uncomfortable. Dear reader, you may wonder, as anyone would, what Malissa's sixth sense is. I can tell you that it is not common sense. Other than that, I have no idea. The producers know comedy gold when they hit it and they dare not ask, fearing that Malissa may realize that she has skipped over a sense.

So, on to episode three, which starts with Will returning to the Dog House after almost getting eliminated. The groomers are less than thrilled to see him and Will wonders aloud what they would have done about his dog's matted vulva. The other groomers don't seem to want to discuss it. Jorge says, "I hate to beat a dead dog, but Will has to go."

Next we go to this week's quick sniff challenge. This is a great quick sniff challenge because it allows us to meet people even more strange than our groomers. The groomers are taken to an exclusive doggy daycare place where they are to meet with five very particular clients and try to make these clients choose them as someone they would hire to groom their dogs. And, they are told that one is a celebrity!

Jorge is not intimidated by a celebrity client because, "I consider myself a celebrity. I mean, I have Academy Award winners texting ME because they cannot get an appointment." After seeing him with one of the picky clients, I can see why he's in so much demand. A lady comes in with two Pomeranians, and this causes Jorge to tell the cameras (and the tens of people watching the show), "that lady was funny. Her breasts were twice the size of each one of the dogs." The woman says, "These are my babies. Do you put them in that noose thing to groom them?" It is clear from her tone that she does not want want her babies in the noose. So, Jorge answers, "Of course." Later to the camera, he says, "They were humongous!"

The celebrity is Danny Bonaduce, famous for his arrest for brutally beating a transvestite. I hope everyone got autographs! Artist tells the camera that Mr. Bonaduce is a space cadet from the constellation Qzar.

Jonathan instantly bonded with the woman with the pink dog because he has dyed his Maltese pink, too. He tells the client, "Pink is cotton candy." Hmmm...seems to be a theme. The client says, "Love him!"

One of the picky clients has a fat old dog and he is very particular about the cut. Artist actually did make me laugh, when he tells the camera, "When the older dude came in with the fat mutt, he's actling like this is a best in show breeder's choice and he goes, 'what can you do for my dog,' and I'm like, wash him?"

Will says he has extreme talent with German Shepherds. When the client asks him what he can do for his dog, he says that he would put him in a tub and wash him. Whoa! Sign me up. As if this isn't funny enough, he does all of this in a Southern accent, which was not very apparent before. The show's editors add some country music in the background to go along with this aw shucks accent.

Jonathan wins my heart, almost making up for wearing a white belt last week, by handling Danny Bonaduce's harassment with great intelligence. Danny Bonaduce asks Jonathan questions about whether or not he dresses his dogs. It is quite clear what Mr. Bonaduce is driving at. It reminded me of high school, where there were bully bullies, whom no one liked, and the boys who thought they were oh so clever because they would harass without using labels. They didn't see themselves as bullies, and, now that these boys are in their late 40's/early 50's, I sincerely hope that they have put that bullying behind them. But there are those who never grow up, and Danny Bonaduce is one of them. Anyway, in answer to the question, Jonathan says that he dresses his dogs in plain sweaters. This is clearly not the kind of fun that our celebrity was looking for, and Jonathan further puts him in his place by saying, "poodles' coats don't offer enough protection and they can get very cold in New York winters and they need the extra warmth of a sweater." Later, to the camera, he says, "I just told Danny Bonaduce what he wanted to hear. The truth is my dogs wear fancy sweaters and coats and rhinestone necklaces and I dye my dogs." Yuck! But good for Jonathan.

The lady with the all pink Maltese is dressed all in solid pink (sweater, blouse, pants). Artist, who had no problem sniffing a dog's behind, complains on camera of the lady's bad breath. That ought to bring in the clients.

Everybody loved Jonathan, who wishes to finally win a quick sniff challenge. After all, it is the third episode, and the poor guy has only managed to already win both elimination challenges. But Kathleen, a kind of no nonsense middle aged groomer, ends up winning. I was kind of happy for her because she was sure she would lose this challenge. As she said, "I'm the groomer they send in the back room when the picky clients come in."

The elimination challenge is puppy's first haircut. I, of course, will remain your faithful unemotional reporter, but Oh! They are sooooo cute! Those ears! Those eyes! That fluffy, fluffy fur!

The groomers are told that puppies will be nervous and that their job is to make the puppies and their clients comfortable.

Will makes sure that the camera sees him making out with his puppy constantly. He is never shown grooming the dog. This could be foreshadowing.

Malissa gets too much powder in her dog's ear, blocking the ear canal. I guess when you have seven senses, you can ignore the importance of hearing.

Poor Johnny B, a nice guy who has missed my notice, got a huge fluffy dog instead of the little ones that most other groomers got. He had the same ninety minutes that everyone else got and he had to leave the dog house because there was some hindquarter matting and Johnny seemed really stressed while grooming him (probably because he had ninety minutes to groom a big puppy with matting). The runner up was Malissa, and I'm glad she's staying because I can get to hear more of her wisdom.

Jonathan and Will are this week's top two. I was right about the foreshadowing, but wrong about why. Instead of getting kicked off for not grooming his dog, Will earns "a leg up" in next week's challenge. Get it?

Next week, there is a doggie fashion show in which the groomers must design and make clothes for the dogs that they groom. I'm guessing it will be a Jonathan/Amber (the Paris Hilton of dog groomers) showdown.

Going to the Dogs

Some time ago, I wrote about a hilarious reality show parody, Operation Kitten Calendar. There's a new reality show on Animal Planet called Groomer Has It. It seems to be serious (but without taking itself seriously), but it comes off as a parody of the parody. It is one entertaining hour of television.
There are the usual contestants. In this case they are all dog groomers. There is a woman who suffered from breast cancer and found that dog grooming makes her happy. There's another that calls herself the "Paris Hilton of Dog Groomers." There are two who call themselves "Celebrity Dog Groomers." They don't seem to like each other much. And of course, there is an "urban" groomer, an African American man from South Central L.A., whose dream is to open a grooming school in the 'hood. His name is Artist. Naturally, because he's from the 'hood and African American, his job is to be funny in the confessional interviews. He isn't. But he's keeping it real for us viewers.
Most reality shows that involve "skilled" competitors begin with a short challenge. In this show, it is called the Quick Sniff Challenge. The host, Jai Rodriguez from Queer Eye manages to say this with a straight face. This week's Quick Sniff Challenge involved the contestants being blindfolded and trying to identify the breed of nine different dogs. Artist was having trouble identifying one, so he smelled its hindquarters. He guessed wrong.
Then, we went to the actual challenge. The contestants were surprised that their first challenge did not involve an actual dog, but one made of wire and yarn. Apparently, this is a new thing in the dog grooming world and used as a tool to practice. The contestants were told that, since these medium sized white yarn dogs were not a specific breed, they did not have to conform to any specific kind of cut and that they could create a "creative but functional cut." I was left wondering what exactly a functional cut would be. And what is a non-functional cut?
The judges are introduced. Of course, there are three. One is a nice woman who is the head vet for the Los Angeles SPCA. She said, "I think that the Top Groomer needs to be someone who wants to give back." Give back what? Unless I have missed something, dog grooming isn't exactly a glamorous, lucrative profession. The next judge is a no nonsense middle aged man who looks like he could be part of Tony Soprano's crew. He claims to be the best dog groomer in the world. The third judge is the Simon, because there has to be a Simon. He says useless things like (to a groomer who painted his yarn dog pink), "I don't like color on a dog, but you used an appropriate amount," or, "I think your dog looks horrible."
While the groomers are working on the yarn dogs, we are treated with confessional clips. The ever-witty Artist says, "They are having us groom stuffed animals. If I had known that, I would have just brought a stuffed animal from home!"
One groomer, Jasper, brushed (his claim) or cut his dog's leg off (I am left wondering if a poor camera person lost his job over missing the moment of leg removal), which caused the female judge to say, in a very calm voice, "You cut your dog's leg off and I have a problem with that."
The groomers had to name their yarn dogs before judging. As a particularly funny touch, we were treated to the usual before and after shots of the dogs. All of the befores were exactly the same. The three legged dog was shown lying on its side onthe table.
The moment of truth came. The celebrity dog groomers came in first and second. Jorge, with his yarn dog, Stiffy, was the runner up. A judge said, "I love your relationship with Stiffy." Careful readers will recall that Stiffy was made of wire and yarn.
Jonathan, who seems to see himself as the alpha celebrity dog groomer, seems to be fairly masculine for a dog groomer, but apparently is not because he names his dog, "Jonathan's Candyland Surprise."
Of course, there has to be a loser and a catch phrase for the loser. Lisa, the cancer survivor, is the first to go. The judges did not like her dog, Flower, and his purple and pink painted face. I suspect that the female judge would not have liked Lisa's relationship with Flower, since the style involved spraying paint directly onto the face, which would involve eyes and nose. Jai tells her, "Every dog has his day, and Lisa, today is not your day." Not much of a catch phrase. The runner up gets a better one. The owner of Tripod is told, "You can return to the doghouse with your tail between your legs."
There's the obligatory goodbye confessional with the loser. Lisa tells us, "Some days you get to be the dog and some days, you're the hydrant. Today, I'm the hydrant."
Clips from future shows reveal a somewhat hysterically tearful man saying, "Ninety minutes to groom a dog that has never been groomed before is impossible." The judges are bothered by a contestant brushing a dog's privates with a wire brush. Yow!
I can't wait for the next episode.

P.S. During the show, a commercial break had a car commercial in which a woman with two children tells the factory workers putting her car together that she will be taking her children on an eight hour drive. They suggest that they equip her large SUV with two DVD players. She thinks this would be a good idea. Am I more bothered by people still buying SUVs or by it being okay to buy not one, but two DVD players for your kids? Why in my day, we used to fight with each other on long car journeys, and we liked it!

I am soooo White

One nice thing about Spring Break is a little bit of leisure time. No matter how busy I am, I check my friend PJ's blog every day.  It's just that good.  But when I have extra time, I like to check out a couple of the blogs that he links to.  One that I've particularly enjoyed is The Standing Room, which featured a touching remembrance of the blogger's twenty year old cat. While I was reading it, I noticed a funny quote on the side of the page, and went to find out more about that link. I ended up on a very funny and wildly popular blog called Stuff White People Like, which reads like an anthropological study of White People in their natural habitats, complete with hints about how to talk to them. As you will see, an embarrassing amount of the descriptions hit a bit too close to home.

Today, when I woke up, I listened to NPR (#44 on the list of things white people like) like I do every morning. I had one of my two daily cups of tea (#13) and made my son Cameron (#16) an angel food cake using my favorite kitchen gadget (#54). The cake was a housewarming gift because Cameron has purchased his own home, an Oakland Bungalow that needs a lot of work, but will be beautiful if he sticks to his six year plan for renovating it (#37). I then checked (#40) to see if my daughter Marin (#16, #78) who lives in Russia had added to her blog. After taking the dogs (#53) for a walk, it was time to go out for the day.

I first went to see Cameron's house. I'm very excited for him. He has a lot of exciting plans for the house, but right now, there is just the overwhelming task of moving in. Here are some photos:


Then, I went to San Francisco (#91), where I was going to meet PJ for a Wednesday dinner in a different venue. I walked from the Embarcadero Bart Station all the way to Pacific Heights. It was a beautiful day and I walked slowly, noticing all the different ways that architects (#34) worked steep hills into their designs. I had never really walked around Nob Hill before. It just so happened that John McCain was speaking at the Ritz-Carlton, so I saw some protesters, who were outnumbered by reporters.

I took a little break from my walk to stop in at Whole Foods (#48) and check out their beautiful seafood counter and produce (#6).

When I finally met up with PJ, we had a lovely dinner (#45). I had a noodle dish and he had Kung Pao chicken. We shared Spring Rolls as appetizers. I went home and watched a little television before going to sleep (#35).

Sublime to Ridiculous

Happy 70th birthday to my mother, whose energy would lead you to believe that she is much younger. When talking about older people, we all run the risk of sounding as if we are talking about circus freaks, but i feel that I must mention that my mother is a good and helpful friend to many people, she's generous, and she still does all her own yardwork. In her free time, she glides across the internet like a kid; she plays games and buys things from ebay. Hitting a milestone birthday put her in a retrospective type of mood, and she found her life to be satisfying with few regrets. I found myself wondering if any of us could ask for more than that, and I was happy for her.

Now for the ridiculous. Yesterday, while waiting to meet Cameron at his house, I walked along Piedmont Avenue. Realizing I was very hungry, I stepped into one of those little pizza places that sells slices to lunch crowds. Even though it was almost 2 p.m., the place was still full of working people, which seemed like a good sign. I ordered a slice of spinach/mushroom pizza, paid for it, and sat down to wait. After about 30 minutes of waiting, it dawned on me that everyone who was in there when I entered had eaten and left and the next wave of people were happily eating. I walked up to the counter and the following conversation took place:
Me: I have been waiting a really long time for my pizza and I just want to check if something went wrong.
Counter person: Let me see. (She starts checking everywhere. There are two slices that have been cooling on top of oven that haven't been claimed, but neither is mine. She asks the owner, who starts looking for the paper on which he wrote down my order). No. We can't find it. One of these unclaimed ones is sausage/mushroom/spinach. Would you like that?
Me: Actually, I'm really, really hungry and I will take it.
Counter Person: Okay. No charge for the extra topping.

Strudel and Sauerkraut

I wanted to write about two great experiences with arts and literature that I've had recently and I realize that, totally coincidentally (I assume) they both take place in Germany, a place I've never visited and know very little about. Unfortunately, my knowledge pretty much extends to two wars and a wall and some really hefty female swimmers and a few foods. Neither film really extended my knowledge, but now that I think about it, I don't think that either was really about Germany so much as what happens to people when they are pushed to extremes: bravery and cowardice, murderous cruelty and suicidal generosity.

The first is a novel, The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak, which is marketed in the US as a young adult novel. I am far from the first person to say this, but it really is a shame that books and other art forms get put into categories. The Book Thief is appropriate for teens and adults, and can be approached from different levels. The writing style is really interesting and poetic. It is written by Death, who is just as haunted by us as we are by him. It takes place in a poor neighborhood in Germany during WWII, and follows the story of an adolescent girl and the people around her. It is far from sentimental, but that didn't stop it from making me sob on BART not once, but two times. It took me months to read it, even though I could have read it all in one weekend, because you just know that a book that takes place among poor people in Nazi Germany is not going to be about happy times, and it was wrenching at times, and stunningly beautiful at others.

The second is a movie, The Lives of Others. The funny thing about this movie is that I tried to watch it with a cold heart because I loved Pan's Labyrinth so much that I couldn't imagine Academy Award voters giving this movie the Oscar for Best Foreign Film over that one. Not only was I won over, but I would have had to join the majority of voters on this one. This time the setting is East Germany in the 1980s. The Lives of Others is about a man who so believes that what his government does is right, when to the viewer it is so clearly wrong, that it is easy to see him as evil at first. He is sent to spy on a playwright who lives a pretty satisfying life in a place where few people do. Both men have to face their own beliefs head-on as the story continues. It brings up so many questions, like what does it mean to be a good man? My favorite scene in the movie is about the transformative power of art, which manages to move a man who was unable to be moved at the start of the film.

I'm not sure I'd see the movie or read the book based on my recommendations, so let me add this: the book has a great story that moves the reader along and is most definitely not without humor and the movie is actually a really good cold war thriller that keeps you on the edge of your seat at times.

I Believe in the Church of MyHeritage.com

On the way home from work Friday, one of my fellow carpoolers mentioned a site called My Heritage, which is mostly involved with genealogy, but has added a face recognition program that matches you up with celebrities who are supposedly your look-a-likes. This sounded like too much fun to pass up on (but only when done in the privacy of one's own home).

The site said that you get best results with a full-on, face-front, non-smiling photo. It just so happened that the one picture of me that I have in my vast iphoto library is just that (except for a slight smile). And, since it was not an attractive photo, I thought all the better because I could blame the celebrities that I got on the bad photo I submitted. Also, scientifically speaking, you really can't find your look-alike from one view. Profiles are important, too.

So, I went to the site, which is easy to use if you can upload a photo, and in seconds I had my results. Hello, have you met my twin, Susan Sarandon? What an intelligent program with unbelievable accuracy. They even have this feature where you can watch your face morph into your celebrity look-alike's face, so I watched my face morph into Susan Sarandon's. This, of course, took very little morphing because...have I mentioned...she is my look-alike.

In case you're wondering, if I have a photo of you, I went ahead and gave it a try, but many of the photos were not good enough to get decent results. I also began to notice that hair style has something to do with who it picks, which doesn't seem right. I would like to try another photo of me, but I'm afraid I'll get more realistic results and who wants that?

Don't Tell Me the Lights are Shining Anywhere But There

Different times of the year really do have their colors. My blog, which looked kitschy-colorful to me in December and January, suddenly became too vibrant for me. Why, when the Earth is about to bless us with all kinds of natural colors, my blog colors became too much, is beyond me, but there you have it. I am giving our eyes a rest for a few months. I wish I could change the colors in my house this easily. Another reason to love the internet. But that's not what I wanted to write about today. The warming weather turns our thoughts to romance.

My beautiful little sister is getting married in May in St. Louis. It is going to be a small ceremony followed by a dinner, and, knowing my sister, it will be thoroughly planned to the last detail. While I applaud her tasteful venue, I can't help but be disappointed that she is missing out on a golden opportunity. Her failure to ask for my advice on where she should marry means that my dream of visiting the Precious Moments Chapel will have to remain just that. Yes, yes, my sister is a grown woman with many responsibilities who can make her own decisions, but when it comes to the big decisions of life, I think I am the go-to girl. After all, why get married in a breakable, finger-printable glass conservatory of flowers in Spring when you can speak your vows in a chapel that is "inspired by Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel." I have been fascinated with the place ever since I first heard of it a few years ago. There are Precious Moments figurines everywhere, including in the many, many awe-inspiring murals. Only Jesus seems to be depicted as a normal-headed human. Everyone else is a huge headed doll, including paintings of famous Old and New Testament figures. There is also a mural of children who were "taken too soon." Words will have to fail me since I have never visited and my sister selfishly refuses to give in to my desires.

So we will miss Wedding Island, which along with the famous fountain, was a money making part of the chapel grounds. Apparently we would miss it anyway, since it is closed down now due to a local casino taking the tourists away. But the chapel is still there waiting for any of you (you know who YOU are, MBB and CMB) to make me happy. In the meantime, I will have to make do with this excellent description.

Oscar Semi-Live Blog

PJ suggested I do an Oscar Live-blog, so I'm giving it a try. I have my velour sweat pants on, so I'm ready for the ceremony. They're black. I'm wearing QVC tonight.

I just heard Regis talk to a man he called Xavier Bardem.

My nominee for line of the night so far: Jon Stewart about Norbit's nomination: "Too often the Academy ignores movies that aren't good."

My first dress: Jennifer Garner looks beautiful in her tight black sleeveless gown. Quite a necklace, too.

So, Anne Hathaway and Katherine Heigl have just shown up, one after the other, with a red dress with a sleeveless right shoulder and some strange fabric thing on their left shoulders. They look lovely in them, but it seems a strange coincidence. A sweep of the audience reveals many red dresses, too. I guess I should have worn my red velour sweat pants.

Amy Adams is singing Happy Working Song from Enchanted, which, outside of the context of the movie, seems like a really dumb song. I keep hoping the rats and cockroaches are going to show up and help, but no luck.

I was going to go all Joan Rivers on Cate Blanchett's gown, but then I noticed that she is very pregnant, so I guess she is allowed to look like she's going to the beach.

I'm happy about Javier Bardem, who seems far less scary than his character. I guess that's why he just won an award for acting.

Keri Russell looks lovely from the waist down and from the neck up. In between, there's some weird shelf action going on with her dress and her breasts.

I'm counting the third red dress on stage now. It's on the woman who won for animated shorts.

Tilda Swinton has decided to do red hair and a black dress instead of vice-versa. The dress, well, is guaranteed to get her lots of press tomorrow. I'm sorry that the designer was unable to finish it.

Miley Cyrus was wearing...red, and Jennifer Garner's hairstyle.

Tally at 90 minutes in: 3 black dresses, 5 red (if you count Jessica Alba's dark red one)

Okay, my pick for best song is on..Falling Slowly

Rene Zellweger did not wear red, but did wear lots of botox.

Nicole Kidman's dress is nice (and not red), but I'm not sure why she wore Christmas Tree tinsel with it.

Wow. Big production numbers for Enchanted tonight. It's almost as if Disney and ABC have some kind of a partnership.

Love Cameron Diaz's dress, but not a fan of the hair. Everyone seems to be doing this thing with a single curled bang in their face, which I do every day, but not on purpose. But really, the dress is great.

They just had soldiers in Iraq announce the documentary winners. Nice touch. Eat that, Fox News.

Helen Mirren looks gorgeous as always. Daniel Day-Lewis was downright sweet.

So, if they're supposed to end this after 3 hours, why do they still run ads after 8:30? Shouldn't they just give out the last two awards commercial free? This could make me turn cynical.

Woo hoo. I saw the winning movie!

So, in conclusion, mostly nice dresses, but some strange hair. Too much red. All four acting awards went to foreigners. We need to build a fence around Hollywood. The Republicans need to get right on that.

I'll have Polar Bear Tartare with Clay Pot Vegetables Cooked with A Ton of Mint

I stopped watching The Grammys and The Emmys years ago. I will sometimes sneak a peak at the Tonys before bed so that I can see the musical numbers, but I often totally forget they are on. I can't understand how anyone can sit through the entire Super Bowl without lots and lots of breaks. But I love the Academy Awards and I sit through them every year, missing as few moments as possible. I don't know why the Oscars have never fallen by the wayside for me. I'm sure that there's a lot of nostalgia involved. I was raised on a steady diet of awards shows, and even to this day, my mother and sister and I will spend a large fraction of the Oscars on the phone with each other during the broadcast. After all, we can't have other people deciding who looks good and who doesn't for us. And even though this year I've only seen one movie, which is about all I usually have seen since they made the broadcast date in February instead of March, I'm sure that I will have strong opinions about the many movies that I haven't even seen.

A couple of years ago, I got HDTV, which I actually don't make good use of, but I definitely watch the Oscars on it. I get no thrill seeing wrinkles on aging actresses' faces, but I do enjoy seeing details on their gowns that regular television can't pick up.

For a few years, I made dinners where each dish had to have a name (or occasionally a theme) that matched a nominated movie. So, in the past, we have had to endure my Gosford Pork and Million Dollar Baby Back Ribs and Buttermilk Seabiscuits.

I don't think I'll be doing any big cooking this year, but I still like to make a virtual menu. This year's nominees seem to be taxing my limited talents. So, have at it. What should I serve for my imaginary meal? Here are the nominees:

No Country for Old Men
There will be Blood
Juno
Michael Clayton
Atonement

I promise that I will bring the imaginary Pepto-Bismol.