Saturday, April 26, 2008

So a Fool Returns to Her Folly

I didn't plan to write about Groomer Has It again, but I enjoyed writing about the first episode so much, and I enjoyed how much people enjoyed it that I decided to continue. Episode 2 was not fun enough for me to write a lot about, but non-viewers need to know these two things: Will had a difficult time combing matting out of his dog's vulva. I know this because he repeated it several times and also because the dog cried in pain while he did this. I also know this because the other thing of note is that Malissa, one of the young blondes, used her seventh sense for the third time in two episodes, and this time it told her that the screaming dog was uncomfortable. Dear reader, you may wonder, as anyone would, what Malissa's sixth sense is. I can tell you that it is not common sense. Other than that, I have no idea. The producers know comedy gold when they hit it and they dare not ask, fearing that Malissa may realize that she has skipped over a sense.

So, on to episode three, which starts with Will returning to the Dog House after almost getting eliminated. The groomers are less than thrilled to see him and Will wonders aloud what they would have done about his dog's matted vulva. The other groomers don't seem to want to discuss it. Jorge says, "I hate to beat a dead dog, but Will has to go."

Next we go to this week's quick sniff challenge. This is a great quick sniff challenge because it allows us to meet people even more strange than our groomers. The groomers are taken to an exclusive doggy daycare place where they are to meet with five very particular clients and try to make these clients choose them as someone they would hire to groom their dogs. And, they are told that one is a celebrity!

Jorge is not intimidated by a celebrity client because, "I consider myself a celebrity. I mean, I have Academy Award winners texting ME because they cannot get an appointment." After seeing him with one of the picky clients, I can see why he's in so much demand. A lady comes in with two Pomeranians, and this causes Jorge to tell the cameras (and the tens of people watching the show), "that lady was funny. Her breasts were twice the size of each one of the dogs." The woman says, "These are my babies. Do you put them in that noose thing to groom them?" It is clear from her tone that she does not want want her babies in the noose. So, Jorge answers, "Of course." Later to the camera, he says, "They were humongous!"

The celebrity is Danny Bonaduce, famous for his arrest for brutally beating a transvestite. I hope everyone got autographs! Artist tells the camera that Mr. Bonaduce is a space cadet from the constellation Qzar.

Jonathan instantly bonded with the woman with the pink dog because he has dyed his Maltese pink, too. He tells the client, "Pink is cotton candy." Hmmm...seems to be a theme. The client says, "Love him!"

One of the picky clients has a fat old dog and he is very particular about the cut. Artist actually did make me laugh, when he tells the camera, "When the older dude came in with the fat mutt, he's actling like this is a best in show breeder's choice and he goes, 'what can you do for my dog,' and I'm like, wash him?"

Will says he has extreme talent with German Shepherds. When the client asks him what he can do for his dog, he says that he would put him in a tub and wash him. Whoa! Sign me up. As if this isn't funny enough, he does all of this in a Southern accent, which was not very apparent before. The show's editors add some country music in the background to go along with this aw shucks accent.

Jonathan wins my heart, almost making up for wearing a white belt last week, by handling Danny Bonaduce's harassment with great intelligence. Danny Bonaduce asks Jonathan questions about whether or not he dresses his dogs. It is quite clear what Mr. Bonaduce is driving at. It reminded me of high school, where there were bully bullies, whom no one liked, and the boys who thought they were oh so clever because they would harass without using labels. They didn't see themselves as bullies, and, now that these boys are in their late 40's/early 50's, I sincerely hope that they have put that bullying behind them. But there are those who never grow up, and Danny Bonaduce is one of them. Anyway, in answer to the question, Jonathan says that he dresses his dogs in plain sweaters. This is clearly not the kind of fun that our celebrity was looking for, and Jonathan further puts him in his place by saying, "poodles' coats don't offer enough protection and they can get very cold in New York winters and they need the extra warmth of a sweater." Later, to the camera, he says, "I just told Danny Bonaduce what he wanted to hear. The truth is my dogs wear fancy sweaters and coats and rhinestone necklaces and I dye my dogs." Yuck! But good for Jonathan.

The lady with the all pink Maltese is dressed all in solid pink (sweater, blouse, pants). Artist, who had no problem sniffing a dog's behind, complains on camera of the lady's bad breath. That ought to bring in the clients.

Everybody loved Jonathan, who wishes to finally win a quick sniff challenge. After all, it is the third episode, and the poor guy has only managed to already win both elimination challenges. But Kathleen, a kind of no nonsense middle aged groomer, ends up winning. I was kind of happy for her because she was sure she would lose this challenge. As she said, "I'm the groomer they send in the back room when the picky clients come in."

The elimination challenge is puppy's first haircut. I, of course, will remain your faithful unemotional reporter, but Oh! They are sooooo cute! Those ears! Those eyes! That fluffy, fluffy fur!

The groomers are told that puppies will be nervous and that their job is to make the puppies and their clients comfortable.

Will makes sure that the camera sees him making out with his puppy constantly. He is never shown grooming the dog. This could be foreshadowing.

Malissa gets too much powder in her dog's ear, blocking the ear canal. I guess when you have seven senses, you can ignore the importance of hearing.

Poor Johnny B, a nice guy who has missed my notice, got a huge fluffy dog instead of the little ones that most other groomers got. He had the same ninety minutes that everyone else got and he had to leave the dog house because there was some hindquarter matting and Johnny seemed really stressed while grooming him (probably because he had ninety minutes to groom a big puppy with matting). The runner up was Malissa, and I'm glad she's staying because I can get to hear more of her wisdom.

Jonathan and Will are this week's top two. I was right about the foreshadowing, but wrong about why. Instead of getting kicked off for not grooming his dog, Will earns "a leg up" in next week's challenge. Get it?

Next week, there is a doggie fashion show in which the groomers must design and make clothes for the dogs that they groom. I'm guessing it will be a Jonathan/Amber (the Paris Hilton of dog groomers) showdown.


Anonymous said... are cracking me up....but you can't comment on the white belt w/o mentioning the white shoes!!

Patrick J. Vaz said...

I guess we were all just assuming that of course the shoes matched the belt. I only pray this was filmed between Memorial Day and Labor Day. Otherwise, someone's in the doghouse!
V, I can't believe you weren't planning to blog on this regularly!

Anonymous said...

I think an intervention is in order

Anonymous said...

OMG, I had blocked out all memory of the white belt! Thanks for reminding me. I'm glad I read this, because my mind is such a fog that I did not realize another Saturday had passed since the "white belt" episode. Now I'm caught up, and darn it if I'm going to miss Project Runway meets Groomer Has It!

vicmarcam said...

Oh, nerd girl. Worry not. I have TiVo for people like you.